I’m NOT crazy, I’m Just Celibate.

I choose to be celibate.  It’s been nearly a year and a month since I last embarked in those activities.  When I was active, I didn’t understand why I felt  so disgusted and dirty afterwards.   More often than not, I would cry myself to sleep ashamed and embarrassed  of my actions.  It was such a frustrating process actively making myself feel like trash. It became painfully obvious that in order to not feel horrible I needed to stop having sex.

As I continually grew stronger in my celibacy I recognized the difference between love and lust.  With these partners a mutual exchange of emotions was nonexistent.  To them, it was sex.  What I needed was much more.  As a female, I needed to feel desired, loved and cared for.   Sex is such a personal experience and I devalued my self worth by releasing myself to certain persons that didn’t offer the emotional exchange along with the physical.

When I began discussing my decision to choose celibacy my close friends couldn’t wrap their head around the concept.   To some, they felt I was sabotaging my happiness and any chance of obtaining a lasting relationship.  My friends would comment saying that no person would take me seriously unless I had sex with them first. I appreciated the honest feedback, but I didn’t accept it.

I wholeheartedly believe I am not the only 26-year-old refraining from sex.  It actually grosses me out thinking how quickly people choose to have sex with one another.   Society has developed into this sex-crazed culture requiring very little effort and I’m old school.  I need to be dated, mentally stimulated and adorned.  This is not a selfish approach I’m taking, because I would gladly offer those emotions to my potential partner as well.

Although this journey has been very frustrating, I’m excited to find the right person deserving of my most cherished possession, myself.  Until then, I will remain steadfast on my walk of celibacy because I’m worth it.

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