I am an unrepentant liberal. Ever take that test that puts you on the political chart? Left, Right, Authoritarian, Libertarian? I’m left of the Dalai Lama. I’m so liberal I wish Obama was a socialist. I read, I research, I consider the merits of all arguments or I stay out of them all together because there is nothing worse in an argument than spewing uniformed “facts”. Also, I really hate getting into arguments.
But it’s Presidential Election time again! So how should one avoid all that political ugliness that is bound to occur? I have no idea! I just got blocked by some ignorant, conspiracy theorist spewing conservative nutjob on facebook. And right there…it becomes clear why I don’t know how to avoid the ugliness. I mean, I do, I just.can’t.do.it.
DO NOT ENGAGE! You see it, you know it’s wrong. You know it’s something they got off some alarmist internet site. The same one that says the President was a foreign exchange student at Cambridge, therefor he could not be an American, blahblahblahbityblahcrazytownwishfulthinking. It’s an untruth so absurd it should not be given dignity of acknowledgment Not trolling absurd, deep seated conviction absurd. The kind of absurd (see foreign exchange student) that makes a sane person want to go chemically sterilize with arsenic the fuckwit who repeated it because those genes need to be stopped NOW. Your blood pressure spikes, your hands shake. Your stomach is clenched and churning.
Take a deep breath. Hold it. Keep holding it. Little bit longer now. keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…when you wake up, hopefully the post will have passed and the oxygen deprivation will have wiped it from your brain. If not, go get a double shot of Jager. In addition to tasting distractingly like bile, it will probably cause you to go do something stupid away from the computer, like blacking out. This could swing back the other way, though. I’ve known several drunk posters who’ve had to apologize to entire cultures after a bender. I’m a wine drinker, myself. It takes a little bit of the edge off the knife of my bitter hatred.
DO NOT ENGAGE. Now you’re drunk and have a headache from passing out onto your keyboard. Don’t worry, those key impressions on your face make you look smart. Despite your efforts, there is more stupidity in front of you. Election season is an ugly, ugly time and facebook is an ugly, ugly place full of ugly, ugly pictures of children. And lots of ignorance. Take another deep breath, just one this time. Feel sorry for them. They’re too stupid to know better and they have all those hideous children. Stop clenching the mouse so hard. Rolllll it, come on, rollll it just a little further. There! Gone! Oh hell. Is that someone quoting Michelle Obama’s unauthorized biography??
I’m moving to Panama.