Golfer Suffers Black Widow Bite, Still Finishes Round

Wow. Just…wow. Normally I like to write interesting and moderately thoughtful perspectives on things like the state of American journalism and privacy issues encountered in the twenty-first century. Today is not a normal day. Allow me to explain.

Daniela Holmqvist, one of the newest members of the Ladies European Tour, was attempting to qualify for the Women’s Australian Open when she was bitten by a Black Widow spider. Now, I’m not sure how many of you have ever been bitten by any sort of spider, but it is a fairly awful experience. Consider that the Black Widow CAN KILL A CHILD IN THIRTY MINUTES. I apologize for the excessive capitalization,  but that fact needed emphasis.

Holmqvist, it turns out, was phased by none of this.

Upon discovering that she had been bitten, she did what any of us would have done: she stabbed the venom out with a golf tee. I’m sorry, did I say “any of us?” I meant “holy God this woman is tough.”

After effectively saving herself from a venomous spider, she calmly FINISHED THE ROUND OF GOLF. I know, I’m getting completely out of control with the capitalization, but honestly, can we get this woman a medal?

Unfortunately, she didn’t qualify for the tournament, but if there’s a toughest golfer championship, my money is on her.

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